Never!

This morning I asked my five year old son to feed the cats.  He answered, "Hmmm, what's that word I'm looking for?  Let me think...  Oh, yeah.  NEVER!" 

I remember the first time he pulled that 'never' thing on me.  He was two, and I was just getting used to his love affair with the word 'no'. 

(You think it's so cute when your children start talking, and then they start saying things like 'NO!'  And 'Mom, just RELAX!'  And 'Mommy, Daddy just said a bad word three times.'  And 'Mommy, the sign says maximum 50 K but you are going 60 K!'  And in case any police officers are reading this, of course my son was mistaken.  I would never speed.  Never!) 

Anyway, we were in the drugstore and my son had started knocking things off shelves so I told him he had to get in the cart.  "NEVER!"  he shrieked.

"Great,"  I thought grimly.  "He's really upping the ante!  Where will it end?"

My husband and I were travelling in Germany, and in an airport we saw an unhappy little German girl.  She was screaming at her parents, "NIEN!"  So apparently it's universal.

However, I've learned a few things since that day in the drugstore.  I wasn't about to let my son get away with refusing to feed the cats.  Two can play this game.  I said to him,  "I have one word for you.  Hmmm, what is that word I'm looking for again?  Let me think...  Oh, yeah.  GROUNDED!"

Halloween Happiness

Halloween was great fun this year.  All of my children were able to get into the spirit.  The best part was that my boys carved their own pumpkins and scooped out all the seeds!  Usually this is my job every year, but this time I bought those pumpkin carvers that are safer than knives, and it was definitely worth it.  The boys were happy because they could carve whatever face they wanted, and I was happy because I didn't have to carve four pumpkins.

The boys ran from house to house pretty much without stopping for about two hours.  I think the amount of calories they burned may have helped with the ones they took in immediately upon getting home for the night.  I mean, we're not talking an equal ratio here - but still.  At the end of the night my one son and his friend were so exhausted that they were lying down on someone's lawn, clutching their pillow cases tightly.  (I think my one son slept with his bag of candy, he loved it so much.) 

As we were trick-or-treating, my five year old son said that the only thing he didn't like about Halloween was walking door to door.  Hmmmm.  He's getting free candy!  Tons of it!  For free!  What does he want, to lie on the couch and munch popcorn while people drive the candy to his doorstep?  For them to tiptoe inside so they won't bother him, and deposit the free candy in a bowl beside him while he rests??  I mean, how much better does he want it?  I think that's what they call looking a gift chocolate horse in the mouth.  Although if the Trojans had done so....

As my older son yelled as he ran from one house to another, "Halloween ROCKS!"

Socks and Other Random Thoughts

My son got socks out of the treasure box in his SK classroom for reading ten books.  I have never been so thrilled with a treasure box item.  Socks!  That match!  And it was a set of three. 

"That will last for at least a week," I thought happily.  I have a real problem with socks.  There are five of us in the family, so I have five different kinds of socks.  I don't know where they end up, but it is not in the same load of laundry.  I have a huge basket full of unmatched socks.  It drives me crazy to keep on top of what I call 'the sock situation'.  And it is a situation.  I am barely hanging on, here.  Socks 1: Jen 0.

Laundry in general is a real problem.  Lately I've been fishing silly bandz out of both my washer and dryer.  You know you're a parent when you have crayon marks and stickers all over the inside of your dryer, and pennies and rocks in the bottom of your washer.

You also know you're a parent when one of the happiest thoughts of your day is that it's pizza day, and you don't have to make lunch.  Is there anything better?  Anything more wonderful than the realization that you don't have to make sandwiches that day?  When I'm running around in the morning making three breakfasts and signing agendas and checking whether it's library day so I have to return a book, and setting out clothes and those annoying socks, and then I remember about pizza day, it's a great moment.  I always think with a huge sense of relief, "Thank GOD it's pizza day!  That just made my day!"  I don't want to say the sun breaks out of the clouds...but it does.

When my son was four he was helping me make pancakes.  I let him pour the batter and flip a pancake all by himself for the first time.  He said proudly to me: "I'm really becoming a man now, aren't I Mommy?"  I answered, "Yes, you are.  Now if you can just learn to do laundry and sort socks...there is nothing more manly than that!"

Grocery Store Spa!

It had been a long, difficult day with the kids, so by the time my husband came home I was very irritable and I told him I needed a break.  Apparently he was irritable too, because he said I could take a break while I was grocery shopping.

So there I was, sulking and pouting as I stomped down the grocery store aisles, grumbling to myself.  "So much for a break!  Who goes grocery shopping for a break!  Hey, let's go to the spa.  No, wait - even better - let's go to the...GROCERY STORE!  It's so calming there.  You can really recharge while deciding whether to buy salted or unsalted butter!"  I was feeling pretty sorry for myself.

And then I saw her - the mother who was shopping with her three children.  One of them was actually rolling around on the floor in the middle of the aisle.  Two others were chasing each other around, and while doing so knocked a big cereal box off the shelf.  She had that look on her face that I have had on mine countless times; the 'if I could just be somewhere else right now I'd be happy' look.

Suddenly I realized that in fact, it was a break to go grocery shopping without any children at all.  It was wonderful!  Blissful! I was free of all distractions.  I could read labels!  From the beginning to the end!  I could compare the nutritional value of cornflakes compared to rice cereal, without having to listen to cries of, "I'm hungry!"  "How much looonggerrr?" "I want to buy that box full of sugar covered in candy and rolled in chocolate!"  It was a beautiful thing.

I pushed my cart along, and sighed happily.  "Mmmmmm.  How relaxing!  Maybe I'll get a coffee and linger over which roasted chicken to pick up.  And I'll be back....same time tomorrow."

Multitasking Mishaps!

Multitasking is practically a prerequisite of being a parent.  When you have three children yelling different things at you, you need to be able to remember which child wants chocolate soy milk mixed with white milk in a red cup, purple juice in a princess cup, and lemonade with ice cubes in a blue cup.  And when your son complains that he didn't want a princess cup, you say, "Look, princesses are great.  DEAL WITH IT."

I have never done so much multitasking since I've been a parent.  As a new parent with my first child I just lay around all day with my son on my lap, and I would call out to my husband for a glass of water.  When you have your second child, you just can't do that.  With your third, you can vacuum with one hand while the baby is in the front carrier while changing a poopy diaper of your older child with the other hand and watching TV.

Once I was grocery shopping, and I had my daughter sitting in the front of the cart.  I was reading her book to her upside down while pushing the cart along and grabbing items and trying to keep my older child occupied so he wouldn't start knocking fruit on to the floor. 

Of course there have been other times that haven't gone so well.  Like that one time I was doing several loads of laundry as well as washing a poopy sleeper in the laundry tub.  I put the sleeper in the tub, put in the plug, turned on the taps full blast, and then walked away.  I just walked away.  I went upstairs, and I think I started folding laundry.  Nothing was happening in my brain at all, to tell me that I had just done something really stupid.  There was no little nagging voice.  Perhaps it was asleep.  Anyway, later on, my older son suddenly starts yelling that water is pouring down the hallway.  Still no voice.  I ran downstairs, actually wondering where on earth the water was coming from.  It wasn't until I saw the overflowing laundry tub with the sleeper floating on top that something clicked.  It was really fun to clean up all that water, let me tell you.

Possibly it wasn't as fun as the time I locked the keys in the car with the engine running, and didn't realize it until after I'd played with my son at the play farm.  I was taking him back to the car, and as I approached I thought, "Hmmm....the van seems to be....but no, it can't be running.  I mean...surely I would have noticed that?"  Apparently not.  I had to go inside and call the CAA, and of course I'd locked my CAA card inside the van as well.  I mean, that would have been too easy, wouldn't it?  While I was waiting another mother told me her story.  She said she had locked all the car doors, and then just threw her car keys onto the seat and slammed the door.  "I just threw them right in!  I didn't even think,"  she laughed.

I think we're all multitasking so much that we've lost our minds!  Or possibly it's the sleep deprivation.

Sibling Suffering

I didn't think sibling rivalry would be such an issue.  But boy, do my boys fight.  I remember my oldest child's first negative comment to me about his little brother.  "I remember when I was the only child...I was happy then."  Of course he was!  The world revolved around him.  He didn't have to share his parents' attention or affection.

My younger son had his turn too, telling me earnestly when he was three that he didn't want Colin to belong to our family anymore.

They would argue over the silliest things.  I remember the time we were driving in the van, and Ryan was beside himself because Colin was looking out 'his' window. I was outraged.  How dare he??

My boys beg me to let them wrestle.  They literally plead with me, saying they both like it, and they promise not to really hurt one another.  Once they even bargained with me to let them wear all their hockey pads so they could wrestle and not hurt each other.  What is that?  It's obviously a boy thing.  I let them wrestle that day, with all their hockey gear on, and my daughter and I sat on the couch and watched them roll around on the rug in amazement.  They're very physical and they have so much energy and it needs to go somewhere, I guess.

I know it's not only boys; I've heard of girls wrestling too.  I think the worst sibling rivalry is with two children of the same gender.  That seems to be my experience, anyway.  I guess there is more of a competition factor.

I've tried several different ways of approaching the fighting.

The other day I made them hug each other, hoping this would help.  They hugged each other, all right.  Like the 'entertainers' on Wrestle Mania!  I had to break it up.  So much for that plan.

The best thing to do seems to be to send them to their rooms until they can work out a plan together for them to get along.

Now that my youngest child is three, she is also getting into the rivalry with her older brother.  For example, my five year old usually always races my three year old to our van and then yells that he won, and my daughter cries because he always wins.

The other day he was letting her get ahead of him, and I thought, "Wow, what a nice brother!  Things are really turning around.  He cares about his little sister; he's being so unselfish..."

He said, "Ella, you were first.  FIRST IS THE WORST!"

Mess: Mission Impossible!

My son was having a play date and when his friend got into our van, he said, "Wow, this van is REALLY messy.  It's WAY messier than ours." 

"Thank you!"  I replied brightly.

A few days later another child was going to come over for a play date.  "Your car is really dirty,"  he remarked. 

"Mmmmm Hmmmm.  Yes, I'm aware of that!"  I answered, clenching my teeth just a little.

When we opened the door to our house, he said, "And your house smells."  (My husband's hockey bag is really atrocious; that's the only word for it.  He won't let me wash anything because it might wreck the 'fit'.  Priorities, priorities!)

Anyway, clearly it was time for action.

All the toys and books and pens and assorted shoes and mittens (yes, from last winter, I'm laying it all on the table here) were cleared out of the van.

I took the van to the gas station and used the industrial vacuum to clean it all out.  (I had two of my three children with me, which is a feat in itself.  My five year old only vacuumed up his sweater once.)

When it was all done, I was so happy.  The van looked new again!  It was spotless!  Sparkling!

I took a moment and just enjoyed the feeling.  This was the start of a brand new page for our family.  From here on in, we were going to keep the van clean at all times.  Whenever someone dropped something, it would look so incongruous against the spanking clean floor that it would be picked up immediately and deposited into the garbage can that would NOT be completely overflowing with used coffee cups and granola wrappers.  When someone played with an activity book, they wouldn't drop it on the floor after; no!  They would place it back where it belonged (a truly novel concept) in the pocket in the back of the chair.

I sighed with happiness.  This was a turning point!  A step toward a more organized life! A...

My son kicked over my extra-large travel coffee mug.  Coffee...everywhere...

Reality kicked in, hard.

As I was watching my dreams of a clean car go up in smoke after literally less than a minute, my son yelled, "Mommy!  I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, AND I have to go to the bathroom!  Right NOW!"