Transition to Crazy...

My husband and I were at a party recently and he was telling a funny story about when I was in transition during the labour of our third child, our daughter.  He said I was yelling a word that I didn't think I'd ever said in my life.  I have nothing against swearing - I do it quite often under my breath or in my head - I just have no memory of ever saying this particular word. 

Transition is funny.  Technically it's the time when you're dilating the last 8 - 10 centimetres.  It is described as a time when a woman becomes quite different than usual - possibly irrational too.  I'd heard of women screaming at their husbands and throwing things.   But I mean, you try giving birth and see how rational you are!

I had read about transition and frankly it scared me, because I didn't like the thought of losing control.  But I wanted a natural labour so I accepted it.

After our first child was born I questioned my husband anxiously whether I'd sworn at him or done anything crazy.  He assured me I hadn't, and I felt relieved.  The same after our second child was born.  You'd think I would have known, but at some point during labour you are kind of in your own world.  I know what you're thinking, but I didn't have any drugs at all, and I was still in my own world.

I guess our third was different.  I think by then my body thought, 'well, here we go again, let's just give it our all; why hold back?  I'll show you crazy!'  At one point, in between contractions, I whispered to him, "All I feel like doing is swearing!"  (She was a big baby.)

I guess I did go through the irrational part, too.  I remember at one point thinking to myself, "No way am I pushing anymore.  This is too hard.  It's just NOT going to happen.  No one can make me!" 

I remember my midwives telling me to push and me yelling back, "NO!"  (See what I mean?) 

This made me feel better for a few minutes.  Until my sanity returned.  "Wait a second!  What am I thinking??  Push!  Push!  PUSHHHH!"