I've Become THAT Mom

I used to live beside a woman who had three kids. I only had one baby at the time.  I used to hear her yelling at the kids all the time at her doorway.  I really liked this woman; she was very nice.  But I was kind of  hoping I wouldn't be yelling that much at my kids.

Well.  Too late.  I have become THAT mom.  And I don't really see any chance of that stopping, either.  At least until the kids are older and more independent.  It's not that I WANT to yell at them; I don't.  I am constantly telling myself that I need to stop yelling so much.  But I have realized that in several situations it is necessary.  I want my children to behave.  And when you have three children running around, no one would be able to hear me if I didn't yell. 

Sometimes I do just count; you know the 1-2-3 Magic routine.  This does work for me and I use it all the time.  But when we're trying to get out the door on time, it doesn't work to time someone out.  We need to move quickly!  It's really about trying to make sure they're all ready simultaneously.  It's like timing a complicated Thanksgiving dinner, but food is much more co-operative than small human beings.

I read an article in which someone suggested to whisper to your kids instead of yelling because your kids would be intrigued by the novelty and would listen better than if you yelled.  Let me say this politely: ha.  That novelty would wear off in about one nanosecond.  If I used this strategy, I would have become a heap in the corner, sobbing, a long time ago. 

And it's the doorway thing too.  I yell the most at the front door, probably just like my old neighbour.  It's because that is where I have so much trouble - getting them all out the door, on time, dressed appropriately, with teeth brushed, with all the backpacks full of the right lunchboxes, agendas, and clothing.

It happens when my boys are wrestling instead of putting on their coats. It's where you'll hear me yelling, "I've told you four times to put on your boots, which is one time more than I had to ask you to brush your teeth!" while my child looks at me blankly and says, "Boots?  What boots?"

This is where you'll hear a child say, "I just remembered I left my mitten at Nora's house!"  when we have exactly two minutes to get to school so we won't be late.

And then the other child will say, "I forgot to eat my breakfast, and boy, am I hungry.  Oh...and I can't find my Epi-Pen." 

That is when I take a big gulp of coffee and count to ten very slowly while trying to remember to breathe.

I have taken to using military language: "Move 'em out!  Move 'em out!  Look sharp!  March, march, march!"  It doesn't help much.

Sometimes I get heartily sick of the sound of my own voice, honestly.  It would be so much easier to just be quiet, and let the kids rip each other to shreds, and make huge messes that you never make them pick up because you are far too tired of standing over them and making them do things.  It is very hard to be a good parent.

But worth it.....right?  Tell me the hard work will pay off!