Thursday, July 2, 2015

A Nine Year Old's Vision of Progress

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We were talking about cyborgs.  My nine year old son was talking about how exciting this possibility is, and I was nodding my head in agreement.  My thoughts were running to the new developments on eye implants that can help people see.

My son continued excitedly, "If I was a cyborg it would be awesome!  I could shoot rockets out of my butt!"

Funny, that particular advantage had escaped me until now.

Forget improving quality of life.

Just what we need - a world of people shooting rockets out of their butts.  The possibilities are endless.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

I'm An Embarassment to my Kids...Already! How Can that Be?

Image result for embarrassing parentsImage result for embarrassing parents

Why are we always so hopeful?  We think, "I won't make that mistake".   Until we do.

We think, "I'll be the cool parent!"

And then we find out we're not.  Contrary to all of our completely unrealistic expectations.

I thought I wouldn't have to deal with this until my kids were teenagers.  I was wrong.

I love to listen to loud music in the car.  That's cool, right?

Apparently not.  My nine year old son now insists that I turn the music down a whole block before we arrive at his school.

It's bad enough that they mostly don't think my music is cool (what is THAT all about?), but now the actual volume level is a problem?!

And then today I was with my seven year old daughter at her school.  We walked over to stand under the school overhang, as it was raining.  A little boy in her class was sitting there.

I said, "Hey, Josh!  How are you?  Wow, cool watch!" (He was playing with his Lego watch.)

He muttered something unintelligible.

My daughter leaned over to me and whispered, "Not cool, Mom.  Not cool."

I hissed back, "What?!  Socializing isn't cool?  Being friendly isn't cool?"

I'm doomed.

Friday, March 20, 2015

A Milk-Cam: An Idea Whose Time Has Come

Image result for milk bag

The ubiquitous milk container.  It doesn't look like the one I have at my house though.  Do you know why?  Because somebody filled it up and cut the end open!

At my house, the milk bag always looks like this:

Image result for empty milk bag


And, worse yet, apparently no one knows who emptied it and didn't replace it.

I have decided extreme measures are necessary.

We need a milk container cam.  It would change everything.

Who's with me?

Friday, February 13, 2015

What Kind of Lunatic, I Mean Runner, Goes Out in an Extreme Cold Weather Warning?

I like to think I am pretty hard-core when it comes to running.  I have been running all winter through this very cold weather.  When people question my sanity for running in the cold, I have been known to say dismissively, "Oh, it's fine as long as you dress for it."

This morning I woke up early and got ready for my run.  As soon as I stepped outside, the cold took my breath away.  "Wow!  That's really cold.  Oh well, I'm sure I'll warm up as soon as I start running."

Well...not so much.  It just kept getting colder and colder.

Initially I tried to stay positive.  I was even thinking in my head about where to take the kids later on in the day (P.A. Day) and I was still considering taking them to see a frozen waterfall.  I thought, "I'll just bundle them up and bring a thermos of hot chocolate - no problem."

Soon enough I began to realize how cold I was, to the point that tiny icicles had formed a row along my eyelashes.

I began to wonder if I was getting hypothermia.

The only thing I wanted to do was run faster so I could get home and to the warmth!

I was happy I was only doing a 5K.

As soon as I stumbled inside, I noticed my face mask and hair were completely white - it wasn't snowing but I assume the condensation from my breath had frozen over everything.

I checked the weather forecast: 'EXTREME COLD WEATHER WARNING - -24 degrees (6 a.m. this morning) with a windchill of -29.

No wonder I froze. On the upside, I am sure I ran so fast to get home that it was a PB! (There are better and much more comfortable ways.)

Still, what kind of lunatic would run in this weather?  That would be me.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015


Image result for hashtag images

It's all about the hashtag now, it seems.

My children even talk in hashtags.  My son will say to his brother snarkily, "Why are you doing that? Hashtag 'smart one'!"

He will then ask me, "Can I play my PS3? Hashtag 'immediately'?"

I respond: "After homework is done, of course - hashtag 'you know the drill'!"

My daughter will get up to leave the room, yelling at me as she goes, "BRB, Mom!"

The evolution of language is a fascinating thing.

Apparently texting has become the new communication system, even when we are interacting verbally!

For those of you who #don't understand, interacting verbally is an outdated mode of communication in which people use oral language.  And not short forms, but actual sentences.  And they are generally spoken at least in the general direction of someone's face and preferably using eye contact.

I wonder how things will be several years down the road.  Will people still use any long forms at all?  Or will it all be 'c u l8r'?

Wow, I sound old. OMG!

Why does that keep happening?

#that's life

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Real Christmas Trees Versus Artificial: It's All About the Memories!

Every year the same debate arises: is it better to have an artificial tree or a real one?  People say the artificial trees are easier and less mess.  Exactly!  What's the fun in that?  I love to do things the hard way.  I mean, what I appreciate are the memories that go with getting a real tree.

Every year we drive out to a Christmas tree farm with my parents and our kids.  We walk through the grounds until we find a tree we like, and then we cut it down.

It's the adventure of it all.  The freezing cold wind.  The hot chocolate I bring in the thermos. The arguments.

Dragging an artificial tree out of a basement just isn't the same.  Will the kids fondly remember that?

I realize I'm biased.  And that there are other good memories such as decorating the tree with Christmas music on while drinking wine.  Or maybe that's just me.  (We do that too.)

I like that we have a tradition of always going to cut down our tree.  And the fact we are creating some memories they will have for always.

Like how the three kids fought all the way to the tree farm about whose turn it was to put the angel on the top of the tree this year.  That was festive.

And about how the kids couldn't agree on which tree to get, so there were two in contention.  When one was chosen, the child whose tree lost out starting crying.  See what I mean?  Good quality family memories they will treasure forever.

It's all part of the experience.  Someone's always crying or arguing anyway; it may as well be at a beautiful Christmas tree farm.  Am I right?