I remember fondly the time another mom came to our door to drop off her son for his first play date at our house. Before I could even say hello, my son informed her that his little brother had bitten everyone in the house that day, including him. "That's FIVE times!" he concluded emphatically. "And it really hurt, and I have bite marks. See?"
Shoving my son behind the door (gently, of course), I laughed nervously, "Ha, ha - yes, Ryan is in a little tiny biting phase...I'm sure it will all be over, you know, soon. Please - feel free to leave your child here. Everything's fine. Your son is going to wear his snowsuit the whole time, though, right?"
It wasn't as bad as the time my toddler started singing a line from a Johnny Cash song, and of all the lines in all the songs Johnny Cash has sung, of course it was the "I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die" line. And he came out with it as clear as a bell. Oh, sure, when he tells me he loves me it's a bit garbled, but he got the 'just to watch him die' part right on target. I was so proud. "I'm a great mother, honestly. I don't let them watch any violence on TV. But, hey - if it's in a song, I'm all for it. Isn't everyone?"
One really embarrassing moment was when I took my son to another child's house for the first time and I didn't know the mom at all. Right when she opened the door, my son ran around behind me and started slapping my butt, and yelling, "Drum roll please!" I was in shock. I hoped I was dreaming. I shut my eyes but - surprisingly - it didn't help. When I opened them I was still in the same moment! Before I left, I said modestly, "I've always taught my son to make a good first impression. So...I'll drop him off same time next week?"
The other day we were in a dressing room in a hockey arena. Another parent was escorting his hockey player out the door. Before he left he said kindly to my three year old daughter about the stuffed animal she was clutching, "You take good care of your bear, dear!" She sat there for a second, nonplussed, and then yelled after him, "It's a BABY MONKEY!" She didn't say it, but the 'DUMMY' was clearly implied. The poor man will probably never be nice to a three year old again.
I was observing in my son's classroom the other day, and the teacher complimented one boy on his homework. He told her nonchalantly, "Oh, I didn't do that work. My mom did all of it. I was watching TV while she did it all." Hopefully the mom gets an A on it; that may help her recover from the embarrassment.