Merry Hanukkah!

We were enjoying the Christmas CD from the Barenaked Ladies.  My son asked me who sang it and I didn't even think about it.  I've known the name for so long that I didn't even think of the implications, so I told him.  Then I realized what I'd done. 

My eight-year old had a field day.  "The BARENAKED LADIES?" he asked incredulously. 

"No! You heard me wrong.  I said, 'The Fully and Tastefully Clothed from Head to Toe Ladies'.  Honestly."

Too late.  He was off.  "The BARE naked Ladies?  The bare NAKED ladies?  The..."

Thanks a lot, 'Fully Clothed Ladies'!

For the Christmas season I've been trying to teach my son manners.  I've been trying for the last eight years.  That's the hard part about being a parent, isn't it?  You have to repeat yourself constantly.  If you could just say it once it would be fine.  But no.  You have to say it about a million times.  "We do not sneeze all over our sister!"  "We do not punch our brother repeatedly in the head.  It's just not done."

Anyway, my oldest is pretty good now.  He says thank you when he receives gifts.  But it's that pesky honesty thing.  At his birthday recently when he received this one gift, he said, "I have one of these already."  I gave him the look of death, but he just breezed on anyway.  "I'll probably take it back or give it away."

So I had to go back to the drawing board to re-rehearse saying thank you with him.  I sat down with him.  I looked him right in the eye.  And I said, "Colin.  Listen to the words coming out of my mouth very, very carefully.  You get a gift.  You have five hundred of the exact same thing and you absolutely HATE it.  What...do...you...say?"

He looked at me with hesitation.  "Ummm...?"  

I leaned forward to emphasize my point.  "You say THANK YOU!  THANK YOU SO MUCH!  THANK YOU!" 

He looked at me doubtfully.  "You mean you want me to lie?"  

Finally he gets it! 

"Yes!" I said enthusiastically.  "I want you to lie.  Lie through your teeth!  It's all part of good manners, trust me." 

I don't understand the confusion, is it just me?

My 5 year old son has (some) manners but he is confused about the whole holiday thing.  I explained what Hanukkah was to him.  I explained about Christmas.  Then he watched the Polar Express in his class at school.  He came home with a little bell like they have in the movie. 

He said, "Mommy, listen.  If you ring this bell and you can't hear it, that means you're old and you don't believe in Christmas anymore.  So when that happens, that's when you celebrate Hanukkah."

Back to the drawing board!