Monday, March 28, 2011

Fabulous Forty

Here's a tip for all you people out there.  When someone says, "You're invited to my 40th birthday party," don't hesitate, don't ask any questions, don't break eye contact.  You just say, as quickly as humanly possible, "That must be a mistake!  You can't possibly be forty.  You don't look a day over thirty-five!"

It's like the 'Does this make me look fat?' question women pose to their husbands.  This is what we call a 'no-win situation'.  Husbands need to learn that they don't proceed to check out their wife's body after hearing this; no.  They don't say, "Hmmm....turn around?"  They don't pause and consider the question.

No.  None of the above.  The man should not even take a breath; he shouldn't let his wife finish the sentence; he should yell forcefully and with great conviction, "NO!  Absolutely not!  In no way, shape or form!"  It is at THIS point that he can take a breath and run in the opposite direction, now that he is safe.

I hope that's clear.

And I've decided that is what people should do for any big birthday that people announce.  It's polite, and it will just make that person feel so much better.

Or you could just say what Steven Tyler said on American Idol the other night: "You don't look a day over fabulous!"

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